Amma ...

"Dei ...kanna samathha sapidara chellam ...enda epadi paduthera ......unga amma va partha unnaku pavama illaya ...." ...Sarada was pleading the child to finish its break fast ....A child eating is a treat to watch ..It does not eat the food properly ,spills a little ,vomits a little ,screams a little and finallly eats a little ....still it gives the satisfaction of seeing something wonderful ,something artistic ,something pure ..

Mother feeding the child is another class act ..She has amazing pateince to do this ..After all ,is the child not herself ? ?Her blood,her skin .her soul .It is a great pleasure to bear something inside your body,see it grow inside you ,speak with it without seeing it .A father can try to show utmost care but nothing can beat a mother's love - a love of purity ,posession ,love of union !


"Enna maami ..ennoda payan paduthurana ..." ..Shree came walking towards Sarada ..."Sarada maami -only you have so much patience to feed my little devil ...By the time i feed him half of my energy is gone ..I prayed for an angel and god has given me a devil ...Sarada giggled ...

Sarada 's thoughts went backward ..20 years ago ..in a small house in mangudi ,she remembers feeding little suresh..How everybody in the house liked him very much ...She also remembered her father's attachment towards suresh.."thatha ...irungo ..inniki nekku enna vangitu vanthel ' ,suresh's infant voice still ringing in her ears ...

"Maami ..unga aathu cooker ungale kupidaran " ....Sarada hurried to the kitchen carrying her 52 year old body ....Every object in this house reminds me of Suresh...The house used to be very lively ...its not the TV serials ,not the FM radio channels ,not the loud cinema songs ,but the very presence of Suresh made Sarada 's day blossom ...She did not recognize this until 4 years before ,when this house was deprived of Suresh..

But now its no more ...For the past 4 years ,my life is just vaccum ...'Ennaku 40 lakhs mela sothu irruku ...nooru paun nagai irruku " - she used to pride herself before her friends ..Inside its still vaccum ..A feeling of everything there ,but nothing for myself !


"enna maami ..yen payan unkala veetu poga maatingeraan "..Shree came with her child ....Not many people know that every woman at any stage always likes to feel that motherhood ..near to that ...whenever she sees a child ,she feels that -it makes her feel the motherhood - the state of purity ,union ...."hmm..ennaku yentha kuzandium parthalum Suresh nyabagam thaan varuthu " - she used to tell shree often .....Suresh may not be here ,but his memories ,the objects he used -how can that fade?

The phone bell rings ....it seems to be Long DIstance call ..the same call ,same day ..for the past 4 years .........she picked up the phone ......
"enna ma ..epadi irukel ..Nalla irukkale " ..the voice of Suresh ....every phone call has the same topic of discussion ..Suresh's return from US ,Suresh's wife ,climate in USA ,health of Sarada .......Still Sarada never gets fed up -..'Seri ma ..bye..Take care " ..Suresh hung up ..


Suresh wrote this in his diary ....

"Amma ...You might not know the kind of frustration i have here ...Atleast thrice a week i think about my younger days ,the nights when you used to feed me ,your mor kuzhambu ,the sacrifices u and appa have made for the family - Sometimes i feel like slapping myself of why i came here ,an unknown land ,where everything is very nice ,everything is available but nothing reaches my soul ....A day ago ,i was cursing my peer who who got a promotion ahead of me ..I remembered appa ,who denied promotion to avoid transfers (which would eventually spoil my education ) and consoled myself -How would have he felt when guys 7 years junior to him were his managers ...How he used to travel 10 Kms in Bus to buy vegetables from Town Market as it was cheaper ..I still remember the sight of a 40 year old man carrying 5-6 Kgs of vegetables towards our house ...Truly iam moulding my life based on the way i was brought up ....-Sacrifice ,Sacrifice ....Iam living like a deer which was caught by a Python ..neither teh Deer can escape nor the Python can swallow it ...I pray to God that to give strength to change things that can be changed ,to give me strength and peace of mind to return to our country ,take care of you .....I don't want to see an old couple dying with no peace of mind .>Death is inevitable -But the way in which a person dies can be changed - I will change that!