Scriplets from my Left Brain

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Decision ......


I was walking along the shore ...Pradeep was playing with some children on the beach - Happy lad .The nature choose me and not him . I went on to my boat ,which was anchored at a distance ....

The sea was very calm .Nobody ventured into the sea today ,except me .Iam not a fisherman nor a sailor ,just an young lad who knows how to sail a boat .Calmness,something i missed my whole life -Everybody in the world wants calmness ,they go to distant seas,mountains ,lakes and yet they find no peace - How will they find it if peace can be found only in the depths of mind ?

How did i turn so philosphical ? Life made me so .I was an ordinary chennai guy enjoying the youthfulness of my life ,seeing movies ,chatting ,freaking out .Philosphy was never a part of my life ,untilk that happened .It was never my mistake ,i paid for somebody's mistake .

WHat am i doing in this sea ? Relaxing ? ENjoying the nature ? FIshing ? Travelling with some one ? NO NO NO NO .Sucide .Yes ,my friends ,i have decided to commit sucide .I don't want ur advises now - Just pray for me that in my next life iam born as an animal without knowing the meaning of love ,life ,intelligence and beauty . My decision of sucide - Peopel would say iam unable to lead a good life and that iam not ready to fight in life .I have heard many more of this kind in my life ,not to me but others who are ......

Do you know how it feels like to commit sucide ? Do you know the fear of death ? Images of my parents crying over my dead body ,my lover Priya crying ,relatives moaning over ,friends dejected and wondering why i commited sucide .The reason why i want to commit sucide is death .Yes ,i want to pre pone death .

Yes ,my friends ..I have got AIDS ....Everybody knows that he/she is going to die one day - but not next month ,next year ,not even after 10 years .The feeling of death never comes !It came to me ,when they said i have AIDS and i have few years to count on . I tried so many things to be cheerful ,visite dorphanages ,donated money ,worked for social organisations .....but ....

Death is one thing - but to know that your son died of aids is another thing ...Priya -Iam sorry ,i can't marry you .I know very well that you will marry me even if you come to know i have AIDS - but i don't want to destroy your life .Your life is precious to me ,to others - You will definetely be a good wife to somebody ......

I saw many children play merrily on the shore - It was Marina beach ,a bright December Sunday morning - One of those days when i would normally walk with my priya on the shore talking about various things .Even last sunday we talked about few things ,marriage ,love and death .

Until 3 days before ,i was also happy .I went for a regular check up in ONO hospitals and the report they gave me was not regular .The doctor called me privately and started consoling me and explained how life is beautiful and you can live agood life even in bad situations .I did'nt understand it ,until they gave me the report which showed that i had AIDS - i could not read the remainder of the report - My brain went dead.

So my friends ,iam going to die .I never had any illegal relationship with any woman and yet i got AIDS - In Life anything can happen in a split second .Of all the people who are in the shore ,children ,old people ,couples ,its only me who is going to die . God is merciless ,really .

I saw the vast sea surrounding me and i was ready to jump -but all of a sudden the sea in front of me rose 20 feet taller and kept rising .It rose like a giant that in front of me and moved away from me and towards the shore .I shouted in vain to save all those innocent children playing in the shore ..God ,please save them ,life is wonderful ,they have to be saved ,they have to live ,please god help them ..Life is precious ,there is so much in life to live ,god please help them .God was deaf to my prayers ...I shouted at the skies ,....' What are u doing sitting on the top ,save them ..don't you see them ? don't you realize the importance of their lives ?think about the parents of these children ? Please save them ..' God was deaf again ..........I kept on shouting and with my shout the giant wave was approaching the shore like a big godzilla ready to swallow the people in the shore ....NO NO - Iam not going to die ,iam going save as much as people as possible ...NO NO ,iam not doing to die ....LIFE is precious ....

Around 10 kms away from the sea ,in ONO hospitals a nurse came running to the doctor ....

"Doctor ,entha report yarodathu ' ....

" etha mma ...Mr .Saravanan oda thu ' ....partha theriala ya ...

" Illa doctor sir ,his blood group is o+ ve ,but intha report la B+ ve nu irrukae ....and he was diagnosed as HIV ' ........

" What ????" ..the doctor checked the reports .......'O shit ...peria mistake ..AIDS saravanan ku illa ,pradeep ku !!!!!!!!!!!

9 Comments:

  • ramki
    enthu enna "kamla ki maut" pathu inspire anatha??.

    the story is nice.But i feel the ending is lacking something.konjam vera mari yosinchu parungallaen.

    likewise you can enhance the feeling by making the feeling personal.you meet this kid ram or shyam on the beach, a cute child , you have a few dialouges with him. later you think about this guy when you see the tidal waves.The feeling will be more personal this way.

    you can also think this way.you are not even venturing into the sea.after meeting ram(the child) you are thinking about your life and you see ram chasing the ball that he was playing goes into the sea.you rush to the sea and save him,the guy who came for suicide saves a life.you take ram to the hospital where you went for your test.there you come to know from your doc the truth about the aids mistake.

    By Blogger sen, at Friday, June 24, 2005 1:57:00 PM  

  • ramki can u mail me details of MOTHER? i am in chennai and in my free time i wud like ot help the oganisation.
    mail me @ sm.vatsan@gmail.com

    By Blogger ada-paavi!!!!, at Thursday, July 14, 2005 8:07:00 PM  

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    Good luck

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  • A good one

    By Blogger Haddock, at Friday, June 18, 2010 6:08:00 PM  

  • somebody reads after 3 years !!Haddock - if thsi is real comment, thanks !

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